Update
Back four months now, and
one month living in the PNW, December-January. And a full moon.
What has clicked for me?
That I love living here more than I had imagined I would. That the beauty
of the landscape is a joy to me every day. The view from my writing desk,
inspirational. That the isolation is only in one’s mind. That loneliness
is surmountable. That home is in the heart.
When I first returned, I
took on a very physically challenging remodel, lifting and installing 2 x 8 x
12 rough sawn pine floor joists (that I bought from a local mile and hauled
home, unloaded, stickered and stacked) as i readied to install the finish wood
flooring.. I injured my back, pulled two ribs. I had not worked
into my physical body’s strength for the work. I spent the next three
months, nightly, sleeping in a hot water bathtub most of the night to ease the
pain and catch some badly needed sleep. I had developed plantar fasciitis
in August and only upon returning in January was I able to finally begin
running daily again. My entire physical balance of strength, endurance,
ease and integration of muscles needed realignment. It has taken until just a
few weeks ago to begin to feel at home in my body again. Working cutting
wood, stacking rock, trimming orchards, hauling debris, walking inordinate
distances on uneven land, etc. requires well honed body fitness, I find.
While I once was able to do
this when I lived here prior, my last five years in an urban lifestyle that
while I biked everywhere, walked and ran on the beach daily, along with a
dedicated daily yoga practice, working here, on the land, rurally,
requires a different sort of body muscle alignment and oneness with the
work. It has taken me much longer to find that than I would have
realized. However, I feel strong and healed today. Some residual
lower back issues, but I no longer rely upon a bathtub in the middle of the
night.
I suppose I wondered if I
could manage living so remotely and find a way to thrive. And I have and
I do. And that is a joy. I have found that whatever I set my sights
at, I can achieve. Which has been true all my life. It is about
realizing about intent, is it not? As you pointed out. And of
course, I have always been aligned there. What this opportunity allows me
is to create my ideal life and live it.
As I sit typing, the wind
is blowing up a snow storm. My window to the outdoors reminds me of a
large movie screen and my own personal viewing. Nothing gets much better
that what I set my eyes upon. Nature holds me in its grip. Stunning
beauty. And her force….well, nothing comparable. I found that while
living at the ocean and observing the Mother, daily. Here the wind and rain storms, and soon
thunder and lightning will be thrilling me to no end. Those 3,000 watt
blips in the meadow and that roll over the heavens… my cup of tea. smile
Of course in writing all of
this, I spent enough time facing my fears of loneliness and fear not being able
to thrive.. I have learned to become an observer of myself, and to stand
solidly in the face of my challenges. Being a Capricorn water dragon, I
have a fair share of courage to bring to this experience. And in that mix
is a confidence that befuddles even my closest friends. Yet comes in
stride along with breath.
With each challenge, I have
figured out a solution, whether it was financial, around hauling tree limbs,
fixing broken plumbing, finishing electrical—I find that with enough stillness
and observation, an answer arrives. And along with each answer, a bit
more self empowerment and love of the sheer capacity within.
I melt into meditation
every morning, awakening an hour later with the clarity and gratitude that
refreshes me and upon which I begin my day.
Kat
22 March 2019
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